Mykindanormal's Journals

to my friends...

i hate that i have not been here lately. even more i hate the reasons why.

aside from the stabbing and the moving of recent we have just found out i have a 2 inch tumor and some other serious health issues to go along with that.

i want to say more but i also don't. i want to be on but i am too sick. if something happens i want you all to know how much i love you guys and have loved buzz. i have so many good friends here and have met so many wonderful people. buzz made me find a part of me i didn't know was there, a part that loves photography. though i am not too good at it photography makes me happy and has made my life better.

i have asked my family to post on here should anything happen, and i have folders and folders full of photos i still want to post that i may ask them to post for me as well. should i be well enough i will get on, check in, and post occasionally.

this is not a goodbye, i am going to get better and be back. this is just an update, me keeping in touch, email me anytime, i will try to check that some.

talk to you soon, i love you guys!

part of why i have been gone...

Sorry I haven't been on or stayed in touch as much as I should. We have been having problems in a serious way lately. At first it was dealing with problems and depression for my boyfriend. Exhaust from working 10+ hour days, a diagnosis of bipolar and eating disorders, along with constant illness for me as I have no immune system left anymore due to my Chrons Disease. Then my bipolar medicine started helping alot and Kyle has started to get control of the problems he has been having. The worst thing that has happened I just want to share with you for so many reasons...

On a Saturday morning not too long ago, I was sleeping and Kyle couldn't sleep so he was up watching movies and eating chips and queso. At 6am I got up and went in there and talked to him, got a drink of water and a snack and we joked around and things were good. I let the cat outside and fixed water for the animals out there (in my cute little pajamas of course because I felt safe in our back yard) then came in and asked Kyle to put the dogs outside by 7am so that they stay on their little schedule and I went back to bed to sleep a little longer and shut the bedroom doors since Kyle was up watching TV. Shortly after Kyle heard a noise at the back door and thought it must be the cat wanting back in so he went over and opened up the door and it was not the cat, it was a man trying to get into our house! Kyle yelled at the man to get off our property and then punched him (this should have knocked him out, Kyle is very strong and works out every day) but the guy must have been on some drugs because he fell back and then got back up and Kyle thought he was about to hit him so he raised his arm to block it and then the guy stabbed him in his arm (which was right in front of his heart, thank God) This stunned Kyle enough for the guy to turn and run away. Then Kyle came back inside and knowing he was cut started looking for the first aid kit, but he was cut worse than he knew and he was going into shock and losing alot of blood.

He stumbled all around the house and all of our floors were just covered in blood. Then he went in the bathroom and tried to wash it off and started yelling for me "Kim, you need to get up and call the police" I was like, "what?" and half asleep I walked out of the bedroom to find blood all over the floors everywhere in the house. I have never seen so much blood. Kyle was in the bathroom and the tub was full of blood and water, so much blood it was all just dark red water. By now he was in so much shock he didn't know what was happening and he told me someone tried to break in but he kept them out but they hurt him. I found a towel and told him to press it on his arm and then I started running around the house searching for a phone to call the police and I could not find ANY phone. I screamed out," GOD please help us! JESUS help me!!!" I could hear Kyle saying, "I don't feel so good, I am cold and I need to lay down." Finally I found the phone and called the police who sent an ambulance and cops. They took him and I followed behind with blood all over me and called our parents on the way. They live 2 hours away and made it to our house in 1 hour. Kyle was cut so deeply that it went 5 inches on his arm and was down through muscle. He got 16 stitches and even though he was in shock at the hospital they didn't give him more blood or pain medicine, they didn't clean him up, they stitched him up crudely and sent him home. (our regular doctor has taken care of him since and we filed a complanit with the hospital) Our parents had cleaned up most of the blood by the time we got thereand they helped us out so much and after that it is all a blur.

The guy probably saw me come outside and thought I was home alone, as nobody was even home at the houses on either side of us and they would have been much easier to break into. Luckily Kyle was there, and luckily it didn't hurt him any worse than it did, the guy didn't have a gun... it could have been so much worse and I don't even like to think about it! I wanted to share this with you because I don't know if you remember but a few years ago a man was stalking me and he waited until I was home alone and broke in and tried to rape and kill me using a tazer and trying to break my neck. The whole time I was praying for God to help me and it was not by chance that I had the phone in my hand and was able to push the numbers to call the police while struggling with the guy. I have been through so many abusive relationships and not had the strength to leave the guys but through prayer God helped me and provided a way and the strength every time. God is good and He has done miracle after miracle in my life...

Kyle is still struggling with his depression and problems, but it is getting betterand. I am still struggling with my health and exhaustion but I know God will help us out, just like he always does. We are traumatized and not sleeping, and since I never went to counciling for the previous incident the whole thing has blown up in my mind again. Finding a house, packing, moving and trying to keep working through all of this has made me a total zombie. We both are in shock and moving around like robots, we often say to eachother, "What is going on!?!" Kyle feels he should have been able to do more, and I keep telling him he did more than most people could have and he protected me and saved our lives, so he is a hero! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as you are always in mine. I love you guys and after we get moved into our new place and things settle down I will be back on buzz!

Love, Kimmy

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ARE RELIGIOUS BUT I WANTED TO SHARE WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON WITH ME. IF YOU AREN'T PLEASE DON'T TAKE OFFENCE. THANK YOU.

negativity smegativity

So much hate and negativity has driven many away from Buzznet, including me. I am so sensitive to it that it was making me so physically ill I had to have a break. There are people here I dont like, just like everywhere else, but I have stayed and been quiet and I think that is the thing to do. Fighting doesnt do anything but drain you of your energy.

The internet is a scary place! Stalkers and mean hateful people have caused me to have to make my profile private, and it just shouldn't be that way. Also, we shouldnt feel pressured to comment every post or be on every day. Buzznet is for our enjoyment, it is not a popularity contest nor is it high school. Comment on the good stuff out there, ignore the rest. Write in all lowercase, all caps, lolcatz speak, or whatever makes you happy. Get on when you feel like it, when you have time, when you are having fun with it, and when you can't then don't worry about it. Don't judge others, don't play games, be honest, be kind, and most of all just be yourself and have fun.

Maybe I cant change the world, but I can change my life, and maybe - just maybe I can change Buzznet. It is a start, right?!?!! Let's all make Buzznet a fun and positive place to be for everyone.

So try this kiddies, no negativity, only positive stuff...

Like Thumper's mom told him in "Bambi" the Disney movie, "If you cant say anything nice, don't say anything at all!"

Taking A Break

Hi guys! You know I always say I am taking a break and then a few days later I am back on as usual again but this time I really will be taking an extended break.

I love buzznet and each and every one of my friends on here and this has nothing to do with buzznet or online drama, it has nothing to do with my boyfriend because things with us are still wonderful, okay, so don't worry about anything like that! I will probably be around every once in a while but not like usual, so please dont get your feelings hurt if I am not commenting on your stuff every day like I usually do. I have been very sick for the last two weeks and I am also going through some personal things and problems, so I need some time to myself to get better and work everything out. I need time to live my REAL life, and time to breathe. I love you Buzznetters, but I won't be around that much any more. It is time for me to move on.

If you pray, please say a prayer for me whenever you think to. If not please send me positive thoughts and energy whenever you think to. Thank you so much for your friendship and support. I will be thinking of you all often and hope to be back very soon, at least every once in a while. If you need to or want to get in touch with me just write me at mykindanormal@gmail.com as I will be checking my email daily. I never really have done journals on here that much, because I do my writing at www.mykindanormal.com so if i write anything it will be there, as usual.

Love, K

Our Top 10 Famous Hotties Lists

So, here are my ten famous guys, in no particular order, except Zach Braff is always my #1. That is of course if I couldn't pick my boyfriend. Muah!

1. Zach Braff

2. Jake Gyllenhaal

3. Edward Norton

4. Patrick Dempsey

5. Ryan Philippe

6. Trent Ford

7. Luke Wilson

8. Matt Damon

9. Jude Law

10. Clive Owen

And, here is my boyfriends top 10 list, in no particular order, because I made him do it too!

1. Natalie Portman

2. Julia Roberts

3. Kiera Knightley

4. Jessica Biel

5. Jennifer Anniston

6. Helen Hunt

7. Kate Beckinsale

8. Uma Thurman

9. Debra Messing

10. Diane Lane

My Random Tunes

So, as the rules say, here are the random tunes that play on my itunes when i crank it up and shuffle with a note on the significance of each in my life... i sort of wish i could have picked the songs and written about each, but in following the rules i did the random thing.

1. Lit - My Own Worst Enemy

(oh, the story of my life. "can we forget about the things i said when i was drunk, i didnt mean to call you that, i cant remember what was said or what you threw at me" it is all so true, and i am so "my own worst enemy")

2. Something Corprate - Cavanaugh Park

(i have always been the one who "could make fucking up look cool" sitting alone in the dark, getting high, dreaming, "running out of clock" , and some things really never do change do they? all of the lyrics from this song mean something... especially "there was never any place for someone like me to be totally happy" )

3. Stevie Nicks - Edge of Seventeen

(i always loved stevie growing up. i always thought this song was about robbing the cradle, which is funny because i ended up doing just that. but once i got older i found it was about losing someone. there will never be a day when i hear this and dont feel the urge to sing it and dance around stevie style)

4. Stabbing Westward - What Do I Have To Do

(i first heard this song when i was with an ex boyfriend, who i never could make love me. "what do i have to do to make you want me, and if i cant make you want me then tell me what do i have to do" i used to listen to it over and over. it seems like in every aspect of my life i have always been singing this song on some level... the lyrics are great and i will always love it. i also listened to alot of vertical horizon back then too, they were good.)

5. Gravity Kills - Guilty

(i love the scratchy darkness of this song, it even feels like deception or doing something wrong. i guess i was about 18 when this came out and have loved it ever since. "i found you out so easliy... i found in you what i found in me" )

6. Kendall Payne - Scratch

(how many times have i wanted to just start over from scratch? countless. this song touches that deep part of me that is scared and just wants to go back. "it's a big girl world now, full of big girl things, and every day i wish i was small" )

7. Gym Class Heroes - Cupid's Chokehold

(this song makes me happy. "we've even got a secret handshake" ha! the song is really depressing but the beat makes me happy and the sarcasm cracks me up)

8. Tom Petty - Breakdown

(classic. i love this song. i love noe venables version of it as well. "im not afraid of you running away honey, i get the feeling you wont" it makes me feel like being crazy in love with someone really makes you feel)

9. Dallas Green - Casey's Song

( "with you on my mind and my heart held in your hands, screaming, break me" this is so simple and beautiful. god, i feel like this every day and this song will never be un-stuck from my head)

10. The Radio - Whatever Gets You Through Today

(this song is a great reminder for me, whenever i get down, which sometimes i tend to do... i just have to hold on and get through the day because there is alot to live for. "god, its not easy but theres alot to keep you holding on forever" )

11. Radiohead - Creep

(obsession, self loathing, and feelings of not being good enough. all of these lyrics hit so close to home to me and anyone else who has an eating disorder i am sure. this song is on repeat in my head all of the time. "i dont care if it hurts, i wanna have control, i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul, i want you to notice, when im not around, youre so fucking special, i wish i was special" )

12. Evanesence - Going Under

(i love everything from evanescence. i started listening to them when i was with my ex boyfriend kelcey and they really helped me through some tough times he put me through. yes, those were some of the toughest times of my entire life and evanescence will always hold a place in my life... "so go on and scream, scream for me, i wont be broken again" )

13. Alexisonfire - 44 Caliber Love Letter

( "just remember the first step in forgetting is destroying all of the evidence" this is the first alexisonfire song i ever heard and i have always loved it. i have alot of anger stored up inside and love their style and songs like this.)

14. Iron & Wine - Such Great Heights

(i adore this song. it makes me think of me and my boyfriend. "and i have to speculate that god himself did make us into corresponding shapes, like puzzle pieces from the clay" it is very sweet, soft, catchy, and cute)

15. Taking Back Sunday - There's No "I" In Team

(this song makes me think of my old best friend, kelly. "soaking in sympathy from friends who never loved you half as much as me" this whole song is great, the whole album is awesome. i listen to this cd on repeat when i run on the treadmill often because it kicks me in the emotional guts and makes me work out harder)

16. Anna Nalick - Breathe

( calming, reflective, touching... "noone can find the rewind button boys, so cradle your head in your hands and breathe, just breathe" i listen to this often, i have to remind myself to breathe so often.)

17. Slipknot - Duality

(yeah, how did this get in there. that is randomness for you. my secret is out. i have always loved slipknot. i wont try to convince anyone because most people have their minds made up already, but their lyrics are amazing. "i push my fingers into my eyes, its the only thing that slowly stops the ache" okay, so i dont literally push my fingers into my eyes, all of the time, usually i run on the treadmill until it hurts and i am numb and this is all that can stop the hurt inside... "tell me the reality is better than the dream, but ive found out the hard way that nothing is what it seems" )

18. Hawthorne Heights - Ohio Is For Lovers

( "so cut my wrists and black my eyes, so i can fall asleep tonight, or die, because you kill me, you know you do you kill me well" great band, great lyrics, great sound, everything... i just love hawthorne heights. very hard hitting lyrics for me.)

19. Sarah McLachlan - Fallen

(i love everything of hers. she is amazing. this song is special to me because i remember after leaving a particularly terrible boyfriend i turned on the radio and it was on. it really touched my heart that day and i felt like i had been given a second chance. "heaven bent to take my hand and lead me through the fire... truth be told i tried my best but somewhere along the way i got caught up in all the world has to offer, and the cost was so much more than i could bear..." if i could have only one cd, i think it would have to be the collection of her hits i have. "though ive tried, ive fallen, i have sunk so low, ive messed up, better i should know" )

20. Nine Inch Nails - Closer

(obsession, violence, raw animal instinct, sex... what more could you want in a song. "you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings, you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything... help me become somebody else" hardcore rocking. i love it.)

21. Everclear - Here We Go Again

(this song makes my day every time i hear it. it makes me smile. i cant help but think of when i first met my boyfriend and we hung out in the ghetto sleeping on our friends futon mattress in the living room and hanging out, drinking, doing lots of stuff we shouldnt have been doing, and having a great time. "there aint no place id rather be, than watching dirty movies, in that nasty room with you, sleeping on that matress in the corner, eating chineese food" )

22. Paperboy - Ditty

(does anything say old school more than this? i mean really, who even knows this song? im not even sure when this song came out, but i remember listening to it with my friends when i was first old enough to drink along with other more hard rap stuff... oh, the memories)

23. Story Of The Year - Until The Day I Die

( "until the day i die, ill spill my heart for you" what more can you say. i love the lyrics to this one, but if i wrote all that i love i would just write the whole song out... it makes me feel like the way i love, totally and completely, no matter what, forever and ever)

24. Lisa Loeb - Stay (I Missed You)

(losing control, being underestimated, being convinced of things you know arent true, being brainwashed, needing to leave, needing to stay... this is what this song means to me. i can apply it to so many levels and so many different times in my life. i wont go into it, but i do love the song)

25. Oleander - I Walk Alone

(every word of this song... every single word. man. i love it. "everybody and everything ive known never taught me how to stand up on my own, had to learn it from the one who let me go" )

if the player doesnt load up because buzz seems to be blocking it, just hit launch standalone player and it should pop up and play the songs for you...

and from this day forward i shall be nameless...

*DUE TO SCARY STALKER PROBLEMS, I AM IN THE PROCESS OF GOING THROUGH AND MAKING SURE MY NAME IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND ON MY SITES.

THIS MAY RESULT IN SOME COMMENTS BEING DELETED, AND I AM SORRY IN ADVANCE.

I WILL ONLY BE KNOWN AS K OR MS. K FROM NOW ON.

ALSO, IF YOU HAPPEN TO SEE ANYTHING I HAVE MISSED WILL YOU PLEASE DELETE IT IF IT IS ON YOUR PAGES OR DROP ME A COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW IF IT IS ON MINE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!*

Top 25 Songs

Okay, since i have been tagged, here are the top 25 songs that I am listening to at the moment....

TOP 25 SONGS (right now)

Or, you can view all my playlists HERE.

Top 10 Favorite Bands

You have to know asking me to pick my favorite music is like asking a mother to pick favorites with her children. But, alas, I was tagged by artsytypegirl for this and so here I go...

Here are the simple rules.

1) Pick your 10 favorite musical artists.
2) Tag the journal "top10bands" so we can have a full tag page of all our lists!
3) Pick 8 more people to do this! Make sure to link them to your original post.

That being said, here I go, in no particular order, the winners are:

1. The Beatles

2. Fleetwood Mac

3. Ben Harper

4. Sarah McLachlan

5. Metallica

6. Norah Jones

7. Keane

8. Dixie Chicks

9. Guns n f n Roses

10. Nirvana

Honorable Mention: Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Doors, Tenacious D, Lisa Loeb, Laura Jansen, Ingrid Michaelson, Jason Upton, AC/DC, Madonna, Rolling Stones, The Who

I tag (not picking favorites here, just people who I think will actually participate and who have not been tagged yet): navidpax, ruipfg, masha3000, 665, mareeum, venommlss, apocalipticpoptarts, southsidebitch